would it be the end of the world?

yesterday i started to realize what has been wrong with me. nowadays i seem to hate everyone, anyone for any reasons, and i was amazed by the frequent anger that I'm experiencing. I don't feel happy anymore. Why am l like this? I used to be a merry cheerful little girl who enjoyed life. I don't want to be complaining all the time about everything.

I feel angry at people at times too. For example my friends. Well, here's a fact : after I got married and had a child, I felt left out of the group activities. Sure, at first it was understandable, my boy was a baby and needed full attention, but it went on till now. Last weekend I text messaged 3 of my friends, asking them if they wanted to shop together (y'know, girlie things) because I was in home town (on weekdays I'd be in Jakarta), and only 1 replied. Turned out they were all together in one place and of course noone bothered to contact me.

I remember the time when I decided that I wouldn't want anything to do with them anymore. What are friends for, when they don't need you anymore? Now whenever they spend time with me, they're doing it like for some kind of charity or something. I hate that.

So, that's one example. And other groups of people (family, ex-colleagues, high school gang) were acting the same too. I'm guessing that now I'm a mother, I don't get to have fun anymore. I should stay home, cleaning, cooking, taking care of my son, and waiting for hubby to get home. Sumur, kasur, dapur.. or something like that.
And more, if I don't do it for some reason (having lunch even with themselves) they'd go "what're you doing leaving hubby and son and having fun??" so it's all fun they have and houseworks for me. Swell!

More ramblings : do you understand the long hours I spent in front of Y! messenger, for one friend to send message to me, and not trying to sell me anything? It's frustrating and helpless. It made me think about the past, "the good old days" that I used to have.

So, it's not you people that I hate. It's not 'me against the world'. I just hate my life.