Work Burden

After tough negotiations and many many dragging moment of meetings in boss' office, I finally am a programme assistant. It sounds like nothing, but somehow it was very huge to me. For a moment now I don't think that it's even possible, and that I'm not fully functioning as is, but the fact is, that's what's written on my contract since last week.

after we had the new project coordinator (manager seems very heavy, so we decided to change the title), all of the sudden I have this pressing burden on me. she is very hard working, and for now she relies on me because i'm the person who knows most about the project. my boss is very happy that she now can take her hands off the project (though still supervise), but what happened to me was we discuss every ten minutes or so and ended up with a long list of homework and to do's.

i realised that we haven't really done anything since the kick-off meeting in february (i didn't join cuz of the eye infection). and all of the sudden with the presence of someone who's working 100% for the project, things merged to the surface : things we should accomplish. I am ashamed of myself for not being able to do more that I delivered (which was evaluated as less concrete result in the External Evaluator meeting last week. Oh bite me.) And at the same time I was hopeless : working for 3 bosses with a contract that leads to nothing yet. I didn't even know if I wanted to work for this office until last week.

This pressure really consumed most of my energy, and I barely have time for my son who was having chicken pox since last Thursday (please forgive me, Z).

one is a lonely number

kesendirian yang menemaniku kian kerap dan tak bersyarat
bisikan senyap akan ketakutan yang kian jelas
deburan laut itu terus bergemuruh dari balik benakku
tak pernah mati
bagaikan hari-hari yang terus memperbaharui diri

..